On Wednesday's...

...I lead tours through the Cleveland Art Museum.

There is nothing like art to raise one's appreciation of life.  Or so I thought this morning as I approached our museum - one of the crown jewels in Cleveland's fine arts community.

Unfortunately, my tour group today was comprised of six mothers, all of which are misguided in their thinking that "home schooling" will equip their children for life beyond their mother's apron string.  Still, I embraced this opportunity, rather than a problem, I welcomed the challenge.  Why? Because that is what makes a good and loyal volunteer.

My first indication that something was amiss was when I asked the mothers what era in art their children were studying, and Alpha Mother in the group said, and I quote, "The State of Ohio says we have to take our children on at least two field trips per year, and this counts as one."

And the other trip?

"To our church in Kinsman (Ohio) to study how God created the earth."

Talk about building instant rapport!

So I again asked - this time offering some suggestions as to the era in art that could interest them - would they like a tour of  modernists, American masters, the impressionist, as so forth in hopes that Alpha Mother or any of the less direct members, had a specific school of art that they would like to see.  Sometimes making a suggestion like this can be so much less intimidating.

Again, the Alpha Mother said that she liked looking at "pictures that tell you whats happening," and then she added "but no cooters or boobies."

My initial thought was "Honestly - are we twelve?"  Had she just said no nudity, that would have sufficed.


Needless to say I did get the group to the American Masters gallery, without the "youngins" being exposed to "boobies" and "cooters" by using the freight elevators and back corridors.

First I led them to James McNeil's  Liberty Rising, and as I was interacting with the children, asking them for their opinion of the work, because children do have opinions, Alpha Mother jumped in and said "It's a lady holding up a flag.  Let's see the next picture."

My job is not to judge, but to open doors, even when one is slammed in face. 

Believe me, Dora Wheeler looked like she was studying the group in bemusement.

By the time we reached the fourth "picture" as the mothers called them, I was about to describe William Merrit Chase's Dora Wheeler,  one of the mousy women asked where the lavatory was and I directed her to the hall, second door on the left, and then I returned to Chase's work.  Several minutes later, Mrs. Mousey returned and announced to the group that "the bathroom was the highlight of (her) day."

Oh, what a cathartic release that must have been.

Two hours later, our time together had come to an end.  I thanked the women and children in the group and suggested that they schedule their next visit on a Tuesday or Thursday and ask for Bonita Dixon to lead their tour.

Now if you will excuse me, I am going to take a Vanquish and have a cup of hot beef bouillon and try to unwind.

Yours in Volunteerism,

Mrs Edwin Smith-Standish